2 years in Bangkok
Two questions are on top of my head now:

What have I become? And where is 'home'?

When I 'visited' the Philippines last May, I somehow felt that I was an alien in my own country. My family and friends were all busy with their lives, their work and current close friends. And unfortunately, I didn't seem to fit there anymore. Not that I blame them, this is just me trying to figure out how things really are... I totally understand that they're busy and that life goes on without me. And I also understand that the longer I stay here, the harder it is for me to actually reconnect with them despite the magic of technology. The usual warmth is just not there.

The thing is, when I'm in the Philippines, I feel that I fit so much better in Thailand. But when I'm here, I still can't help feel out of place since I still don't speak or understand the language completely.

It's like my home is neither here nor there. So where is it???

After living outside my homeland for two years, I have a feeling that I can't really go 'home' again - simply because it's not what it used to be anymore.

Oddly, I am not really bothered; maybe I am but just a little bit.

Of course I will forever love my family and friends in the Philippines. But I've come to realize that my relationships now consists of people like me - 'internationalists' - according to my American friend. We hold various passports, display different skin tones, and speak numerous languages in even more numerous accents. But our acceptance of our differences are what draws us closer together --- and the biggest similarity is that we're all outsiders.

I am now a lot like the people who are different from me, and quite different from the people who are like me.

More than two years ago, I never imagined I will be in this position.
Now I can't imagine going back to the way the things were.

blah blah by LaraGirl @ 11:20 PM
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